Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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