Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
