my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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