I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
