What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize