A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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