So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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