you would pick up someone in the library
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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