thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
