shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
