Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
