he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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