Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize