I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
