I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
