so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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