I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
