I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
