she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize