Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
