I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize