Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
