i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
