i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
