can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
