how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
