She's JV to your varsity
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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