I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
