i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
