I want to make a zoo with you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
