Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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