I should be sponsored by Trojan
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
