Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
