my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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