According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How external is "for external use only"?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
