Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
