he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
