She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
