I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
