Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize