its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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