I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
