We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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