Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
