I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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