I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
