You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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