and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
