Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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