i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
