Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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