and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
