The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
