I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
