She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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