If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
