paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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