Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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