ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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