why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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