If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
