when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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