Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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