and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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