Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
