I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize