we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
