we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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