picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
