your parents love me but you hate me
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
