Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
