She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize