Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
