Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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