where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
